Romantic Gestures Are Bullshit and Here’s Why
Why Grand Romantic Gestures Are Total Bullshit
Here’s a little secret you may not know: Grand romantic gestures are total bullshit.
The average guy probably doesn’t realize this. If (and that’s a big if) he’s anti-grand romantic gesture, it’s probably because he thinks they’re too much work, too expensive or just not worth the effort … but that’s not the real reason these big love-filled moments are unnecessary.
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It’s actually due to the fact that men just approach them all wrong. Sure, there’s no actual data to back this up — unfortunately there just isn’t much funding for scientific studies on guys screwing up their grand romantic gestures — but anecdotally, they usually suffer from one of two mistakes.
The first is misunderstanding when to make one. As for the second, you can chalk that up to guys mistaking effort for connection. Let’s dive a little deeper, shall we?
Timing is very important when it comes to pulling off an epic romantic moment. You’re probably aware that birthdays, anniversaries and engagements are moments that require a bit more oomph from you as a partner, but the reality of romantic gestures is a bit more complex than that.
You don’t just say, “Oh, time for a big moment,” and throw one at the relationship, hoping it’ll go well. A good romantic gesture is context-aware. You should be able to explain why you’re doing it, why now and why not some other time.
Grand romantic gestures should be spotlight stealers, but if it’s not your moment to begin with, don’t artificially make it yours. Meaning, don’t do something like pop the question in the middle of your partner’s big moment, like the guy who proposed to his girlfriend after she’d just won an Olympic medal.
Then, there’s the issue of doing too much, too early. Don’t show up to the first date with flowers. Don’t buy spend two months’ rent on an extravagant birthday gift three months into the relationship. Romantic gestures aren’t a substitute for actual romance, and trying to force one will make your significant other gag instead of swoon.
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There’s no exact science to knowing when to plan a big romantic gesture, but a fair rule of thumb is to check in with other people — people in your significant other’s life you trust, for example. They’ve probably known your partner for longer than you have and might have a better gauge (and less biased viewpoint) on what they’d actually like. And if you don’t know anyone in your partner’s life well enough to have that kind of conversation? That’s a sure sign that it’s too early.
Whatever you do, just don’t mistake the “grand” for the “romantic.” Often, a failed romantic gesture is one where a guy puts in a ton of work and gets no real response, or a half-hearted or faked one because the final product wasn’t something that his partner was actually excited by.
Sure, it’s nice when someone goes out of their way to do something for you, but no matter how much time and money you spend, if it’s not tailored to the person you’re doing it for, it’ll be wasted.
Just because we associate red roses and chocolate with Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean that’s what everyone wants come February 14th. That same logic applies to being romantic — the focus should be on what your partner wants. What they like, what excites them, what they’ve always wanted to do or experience, memories you’ve made together, and so on.
At the end of the day, doing something romantic for the person you’re with should be exactly that — doing it for them. If you’re doing it for you, or to impress their friends, elicit a specific reaction or tick something off a relationship to-do list, it’s not really for them at all.
And that’s not really a grand romantic gesture, is it?
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Source : Ian Stobber Link