What Straight Guys Can Learn About Dating From Gay Guys
Dating Advice for Straight Men From Gay Guys
I’m gay. Meaning, yes, I’ve never had sex with a woman. So what dating advice could I possibly give to straight guys? Well, a lot, surprisingly. As a gay man, I’ve been in my fair share of boys’ locker rooms and attended my fair share of all-girl slumber parties, so I’ll let you in on a secret: All is not as it seems in the straight dating world. The straight guys who claim to be the biggest casanovas in front of their friends are usually the same guys that women mock or complain about behind their backs. And while the gay dating world is fraught with its own problems, the truth is, straight guys could learn a thing or two by observing how things are done ~ under the rainbow flag ~
(OK, we don’t actually say it like that.)
Grindr has really changed things for my generation (if you’re unfamiliar, Grindr is basically gay Tinder). The culture of Grindr is one of directness — guys state exactly what they want, whether it’s serious dating, a casual fling, or a one-time anonymous hookup. That online directness has been translated to the real world. Of course I’m speaking in general terms here, but if a gay guy just wants to fool around with no strings attached, he’ll usually make that clear from the outset. One problem I’ve seen in straight relationships is a lack of clarification of both partners wants and expectations from the outset. If you’re looking for a more committed, long-term relationship, let her know that. Conversely, it’s totally fine if you’re not looking for anything too serious — as long as you let her know from the get-go. This requires you to do that big dark scary thing where you think about how you feel — and then articulate those feelings to another human person. Even if the ensuing conversation is uncomfortable (and it usually is at least a little bit) you owe it to her to be upfront about what you’re expecting and looking for in a relationship.
Gay representation in popular culture has expanded exponentially in the last few decades, but there is still a dearth of non-heterosexual characters in TV and movies. A silver lining to this pervasive problem is that queer culture isn’t as bogged down by Hollywood clichés about romance and love, since we are so rarely reflected in those cliches. This makes it easier to accept the fact that in the real world, dating is complicated and messy. A big piece of advice for straight guys: Forget everything you’ve seen in the movies. Remember that iconic scene in Say Anythingwhen John Cusack shows up to his love interest’s house unannounced and stands under her window with a giant boom box blaring Peter Gabriel? That’s all fine and good in Hollywood, but replicate that in real life and you’ll probably get a restraining order. Life isn’t like the movies. You’re not going to save the day, get the girl, and wrap everything up in a nice little bow in an hour and 45 minutes. You’ll be better prepared to deal with the curveballs and nasty surprises of dating if you abandon those hokey old cliches about love and romance.
Communicate In Bed
Here’s the thing about gay sex: It’s complicated. I won’t go into details, but suffice it to say that it can be tricky for two men to negotiate who puts what where and how. This means that gay sex requires a lot of communication, before and during the act itself. The straight population may want to consider a similar approach to sex: instead of just running through a regular stand-by routine, engage your partner in discussion about likes and dislikes, boundaries and so on. First off, consent is so necessary — you should always be checking in to make sure that she’s cool with whatever you’re doing sexually. Also, guaranteed the sex will be better if you get your mind out of your dick and start paying attention to her verbal and physical responses in bed. You’re not God’s gift to women — and she will teach you a thing or two about being a great lover, if you only let her. That’s all I’m going to say on the subject, though, because frankly, straight people sex confuses me.
Take A Hint
Rejection is an unfortunate but unavoidable part of the dating world, gay or straight. The aforementioned directness of the gay dating scene means that sometimes rejections can be particularly blunt (I’ve had guys literally say “no way” to my face before). There’s also rejections via Grindr, and Tinder, and OKCupid. I could spend the rest of my life stewing over guys who have rejected me, but what would be the point? If you’re going to survive in the gay dating scene, you have to get over it and take rejection in stride. Straight guys could benefit from adopting a similar mentality. Contrary to what you see in the movies, persistence isn’t charming. When a woman turns you down, she doesn’t mean “try harder.” She means “get the hell away from me.” It’s not fair or considerate to keep bugging her about it, and why expend all that extra energy when there’s other worthwhile women out there who would be willing to give you a shot?
Be Cool With Exes
When you are gay, you live with the very conceivable possibility that two of your exes could one day end up dating each other. Gay dating pools are smaller and therefore more incestuous — most gay dudes of a similar age living in a particular area will know each other and will have some overlapping romantic and/or sexual histories. A lot of the time in gay culture you’re forced to be around and make nice with an ex, or a partner’s ex, or a failed romantic prospect who you would rather just not see. This is an important skill for straight people to develop too. Whether you run into your own ex or the ex of a partner, be cool about it. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t be upset after a breakup or a bit on edge meeting a girlfriend’s ex — those feelings are totally natural — but don’t let them take over completely. You don’t have to put on a big show of how comfortable you feel, but act civil and friendly with exes. Those interactions don’t have to be a big deal if you don’t make them into a big deal.
Source : Sean Abrams Link